I have been teaching dance for almost four years now. We are just a few weeks away from their big recital performance, the culmination of all the year’s work. The dances are basically done, so now we are just putting on the final touches and cleaning.

My first year teaching, I had only three students in a musical theatre dance class. We were tiny but mighty, and the class began to grow. Now I have almost a dozen students (with two of the same kids still sticking around from that first year!) and I teach a second jazz class for younger kids. I also teach occasional workshops for adults and tap private lessons.

Suffice it to say, the numbers and my experiences have expanded. I remember feeling so incredibly anxious the first year I taught, especially those first few weeks, and months even. Though I have been dancing my entire life, I always feel nervous being the person in charge. It’s one thing to take a class; it’s another thing to be the one teaching it.

What many people probably don’t realize, especially my students, is that I still get pretty darn anxious before teaching. Yes, I come prepared with choreography and across-the-floor exercises, and that helps, but I still get so nervous. I often contemplate if I should keep teaching dance in the future.

It’s hard to shake the feeling that I have no idea what I’m doing, that I am a bad teacher, incompetent, or not doing enough. This is all despite evidence piling up on the contrary. And no, maybe I’m not the most technical or strict or perfect dance teacher. But I have to remind myself that I am a good enough dance teacher. I am doing my best to make a positive impact in their lives, while also teaching them art. I have to remind myself that my anxiety is lying to me.

What’s remarkable though is every week after I leave class, now sweaty and tired, talking book recommendations with the kids or waving to the parents, I always feel better than I did before. Sure, by the next week I’m super anxious about teaching again, but at least I can rely on it fading throughout the classes themselves. After laughing with the kids, seeing them improve, or just moving myself, the anxiety slips away. For those few hours in the evening after teaching, I am so glad I get to do what I do.

Tomorrow I’m going to see one of my students in a high school theater production, and then next week I’m watching two more in a different local musical. I try to go whenever I can because I know it means a lot to them when I’m in the audience. Anyway, seeing my students perform might be even better than seeing Broadway shows. They’re definitely close!

Whenever they thank me as their dance teacher in their bio in the program, it makes me smile a lot (and maybe cry a little). It’s, of course, not about the recognition. It’s about helping them grow and learn, as both dancers and humans. But it is nice to hear. So I keep teaching, despite all the anxiety each week.

Morgan

@morganrondo2

Bring back early 2000s jazz choreography #dance #jazz #2000sthrowback

♬ original sound – Morgan Rondinelli