Separation anxiety is a beast, especially as an adult when I feel like I “should have grown out of it.” Google “separation anxiety,” and it’s all about young kids. News flash: I haven’t grown out of it. It’s just changed as I have too.

My partner (recently fiancé! still not over that!) and I have lived together for several years. And every summer, he leaves for a couple months to work at a Scout camp. It’s so important and meaningful to him, and I love that, but it can still be really hard. We text and occasionally talk over the phone, but I don’t get to see/hold/be near him for quite a while. And for these weeks, I get mega anxious. Consider my OCD flared. Somehow, it feels like it gets harder each year, rather than easier, because each year we are closer and more integrated into each other’s lives.

He left for this summer this past Tuesday. And let’s just say the first 48 hours were rough. Just from anticipation of his departure, my anxiety was already at a 9 out of 10 when I woke up. It doesn’t help that we found water in our basement literally as he was about to walk out the door. Then, I was dealing with that and calling maintenance. My anxiety quickly bumped up to a 10. At that point, I become more numb than functional, and it takes time for the anxiety to come down to a manageable level again.

It’s easy enough to spiral. I keep thinking about how uncomfortable the anxiety is, how I can’t tolerate it, and how it will last forever. I feel weak for feeling so anxious and alone in. (Side note: I was having a theater photo taken that evening too, so I wore mascara for once, and wow does mascara make crying more dramatic.) Of course, these thoughts do not help my anxiety go down any faster. They definitely keep it elevated.

It’s cliché, because it’s true: How we talk to ourselves makes a difference. So, I’m trying to switch the narrative. Easier said than done, of course, but worth trying. Even if I don’t always believe them, these are affirmations I’m going to work on telling myself this summer:

• We can do this. I am not alone. (Hence the “we.”)
• These feelings will not last forever.
• I will feed myself, and proactively.
• I am strong and capable.

The bit about feeding myself is crucial. Way too often, my anxiety causes nausea, so I delay or even skip a meal. All too quickly though, even if I don’t feel especially hungry, the calorie deficit causes my anxiety to rise even more. Which makes me more nauseous, which makes me more anxious, and around we go.

Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing this, until it’s gone on for several hours or even all day. Then I have to play catch up, eating enough to fill myself up, and then waiting to digest it enough to have proper brain function again. This is why I’m intentionally planning to feed myself, and proactively, so meals aren’t delayed and causing an accidental anxiety spiral.

Again, all easier said than done. And I’m only on day 3 now of him being away. But P.S. it’s been working. Still anxious, still sometimes forgetting to eat, but less anxious and hungry than before. Until the smoke detector starting chirping that there was a low battery. That spiked it again…Nonetheless, time and food are healing.

Morgan