As mentioned in previous posts, my partner and I recently got engaged! Joe proposed while we were hiking at Starved Rock State Park, shortly after our fifth dating anniversary. Our dog was with us, the ring is so me, and I love him dearly. I was so excited in the moment that I forgot to say yes for a few seconds! That’s what happens when a theater kid doesn’t get to practice running her lines beforehand.

We are overjoyed, and I’m so ready to marry him next spring. Between that development and graduating with my library master’s degree, it’s been an exciting few weeks, all for good reasons. Now that we’re officially engaged, Joe and I have jumped head first into planning our wedding. We are wasting no time, and ready to continue life together as a couple.

Recent moments have included booking our venue and date, taking engagement photos, and this past weekend, picking my wedding dress. Again, all good things. All exciting moments. Yet, as each one happens and passes, I find myself being sad that it is already over. My intention is to only pick out a wedding dress once in my life, and now suddenly it’s over. These moments happen so fast.

I find myself questioning if I am “taking in the moment” enough, if I am enjoying them fully or feeling enough excitement. This is 100% OCD, and an obsession I’ve had before, such as around birthdays or other “big” moments. There is a pressure to feel pure, constant elation and to remember every detail. In reality, I feel what I feel, which is usually joy but also a mix of emotions. The moment is the moment, and life continues on. Still, I wish they would last a little longer.

There are many more “big moments” to come, including the wedding itself, of course. But also the rehearsal, catering tasting, and every other detail in between. I need to acknowledge that while the wedding will be a special day, it’s not the whole picture. It wont’ be perfect. And OCD and anxiety will likely make an appearance. Life is the full deal, including the ups and downs, and I get to spend that life with Joe.

Morgan

P.S. Today is my blog’s 11th birthday. Wild!