Are we attention seekers?

This is also published on The Mighty: The Alternative to Calling People with Mental Illness ‘Attention Seekers’

attention seeker.png
Image credit:

I’m going to ask what may seem like a rude question:

When people talk about their experiences with depression or anxiety are they attention seekers? What about people who self-harm? Or what about people who act out or cry in public? Are we just seeking attention?

Sort of. Yes and no.

Yes, we are often seeking attention. All humans need social interaction and can benefit validation of their pain. But, and it’s a big caveat, no, we are not doing this to be dramatic or cruel or whatever other negatives people may believe. We are likely doing it because we need attention. We want help. We want support. We want treatment. We are attention needers.

In my training to become a Mental Health First Aid Instructor, we talked a lot about the primarily negative and stigmatizing words that are used to describe people experiencing a mental illness or a mental health challenge. For example, we’ve been called “crazy,” “mad,” “nuts,” or people use non-person first language like “psychotic.” (Please don’t make me continue.) I see “attention seeker” as another of those unfavorable examples. It implies manipulating and misbehaving. Hence, why I loved when my trainer offered the alternative of “attention needer.”

When you reframe the label as someone who needs attention you approach them differently. You begin to ask different questions: Instead of pulling away, we ask “What kind of attention do they need?” Instead of “Why are they acting so badly,” we ask “How can I help?” This switch fosters compassion rather than anger, and who couldn’t use a little more compassion in the world?


P.S. Yes, I passed, and I am now an Instructor of Mental Health First Aid! I am so excited to begin teaching courses in a few weeks.


  1. Thank you! Now I know- I am an attention needer- I need someone to care. I don”t have a lot of people who do, therefore I see myself needing the attention from my therapist, or dr., or someone.. I thought this was yet another character flaw, yet maybe it is just the way it is right now.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s