In high school, I had my life figured out. First, I was going to be Valedictorian of my class, win lots of academic awards, and play as first chair trumpet in band. Check. Done. Accomplished. Then, I was going to go to college at University of Michigan, study biochemistry or some other STEM field, go on to get a PhD, and eventually become a professor. Check…kind of. I did graduate from Michigan with a biology degree, but a lot has happened along the way.
I went through a heck of a mental health journey in the past six plus years. I fought and won the war with OCD. I got out of a depression multiple times. And I built so many healthier coping skills than the unhealthy cycles I was used to. I’ve learned so much about myself, and the world. And I couldn’t have less of an idea about what I want to do next.
In high school, I had a plan for success. I had self-imposed structure, and I studied nonstop. And I was miserable. Now, I have narrowed done what I want to study in graduate school to biology, environmental education, creative writing, dance therapy, public health, social work, library science….so really, I haven’t narrowed it down at all. I’m finally getting interviews for and landing part-time jobs. Meanwhile, my friends are approaching the end of medical school or have stable jobs. I don’t know where I want to end up geographically. I’m single as heck, while so many people I went to high school with are getting married. And honestly, I couldn’t be happier.
I love teaching dance to young kids, especially those in the community who wouldn’t likely have these opportunities without reduced fees and grants. I love participating in community theatre, both the performances and the rehearsals. I love taking cat naps quite literally with my cat. I love the advocacy I continue to do for mental health for the IOCDF and Not Alone Notes. And today, I had chocolate chip pancakes for both breakfast and dinner. I’ve never been more undecided about my plans, and I’ve never been happier.
If you had asked high school Morgan about current Morgan’s life, the lack of direction would shock her, and honestly, it would stress her out. Yet, today, I’m surprisingly okay with not knowing what I want to “do with my life.” And that is a testament to my growth.
This is the best blog of all! I love you, Mom
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I love this! And I definitely relate after dropping out of grad school despite once feeling sure I would become a professor. I’m also realizing I’m much happier not being in academia. I’m sure everything will fall into place for you when it needs to!
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Great blog post
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