Last night at my work at the public library, we were down four staff members. Three had called in sick, and one was assigned tasks, but wasn’t actually on the schedule. By the time we realized, it was too late to call anyone else for help.

That left four of us, for the entire adult circulation floor, which is way fewer than we normally have to staff the circulation desk, answer phones, process holds, shelve books, and all the other things that go on at a public library at night. We were objectively short staffed.

I was the only full-time staff member for the floor, so even though I am not technically a manager, I was essentially who the part-time staff would turn to for assistance and questions. Of course, I could ask staff in children’s or tech services for help, and a full time staff member from tech services did help a lot, but I was still the initial point of contact for this main floor.

We made it work. We all helped where help was needed. We had an assembly line of trapping and shelving holds. When the bell rang for more assistance at the circulation desk, someone promptly went to help. Thankfully it was a pretty quiet evening at the library, but it still took teamwork to make it work.

Honestly, I didn’t even think twice about any of it at the time. We did what needed to be done. It wasn’t until this morning, when the tech service staff member who had been helping mentioned I was, “Boss woman last night!” I laughed and said, “Thanks. It was pretty scary.” My coworker replied that I was (and am, I assume) “very capable.”

I have a hard time handling a position of authority, meaning I can totally do it, but beforehand I don’t often believe I can. Even after the fact, I don’t see how well I’ve done. Very rarely is capable a word I would use to describe myself. But this couldn’t be farther from the truth. When you really examine the evidence, time and time again I show how capable I am, like last night. Sometimes it takes an outsider though to reminder me of this fact.

Much of my anxiety stems not from the possibility of something bad happening, though I overestimate that too, but from thinking I won’t be able to handle if something bad does happen. I underestimate my own resiliency.

I am resilient. I am so capable. And I appreciate the reminder of that.

Morgan