OCD often attaches onto what we care about most, and who doesn’t love their pets? Exact themes about animals may vary, but I definitely have OCD about my dog.

With my cat, Jade, who I’ve had for much longer, the fear is more about her being helpless. What if there is a fire in our apartment, and I’m not home to get her out? Even worse, what if I cause a housefire that kills her? The irony is my cat has attitude; she is far from helpless.

With my dog though, Maisy, who we’ve only had since Thanksgiving, the fear is different. Maisy is a medium-to-large sized dog. I’ve only had very small dogs before, who were easier to control physically. With Maisy, she logistically needs more training.

And my partner, Joe, and I have been training her. She knows several commands. She is a sweet as pie, super loving, and overall a good dog. Still, Maisy has shown reactiveness, in particular with other large dogs and old men. (Why doesn’t she like old men? Who knows! Probably something sad in her past.)

These moments of reactiveness have been small, I maintained or regained control, and no one was hurt. However, with each instance, I get more and more afraid that Maisy could hurt someone else, whether a human or another dog. Worst of all, I’m scared she might hurt a kid or my cat, Jade.

These fears are without a doubt OCD. They are cyclical, ruminative, and largely irrational.

For example, Maisy gets along very well with Jade. They sometimes conflict a little over who gets to sit closest to me (*eyeroll*), but Jade usually wins by bullying the dog, and Maisy walks away. Still, for a while, every day when I came home from work I was terrified I would find my cat bleeding or dead, having been attacked by the dog.

It’s interesting to watch Maisy with with Joe though because she is at attention and behaves very well. It’s not perfect, but she sits on command at every cross walk. He has had far fewer instances of reactiveness. His confidence leads to her confidence.

With me, Maisy is distracted and nervous. It takes several tries for her to sit. She pulls more. I’m starting to realize and accept that it’s because I’m distracted and nervous when I have the leash. She must be able to sense small changes in my demeanor. My anxiety begets Maisy’s anxiety.

That doesn’t mean Maisy’s missteps are my fault. She’s a dog, and training takes time. It’s still been less than six months since we adopted her. She’s already shown so much progress. Plus, I can’t help that I have OCD.

Still, it does mean that I need to keep practicing with Maisy. As soon as my ankle is heeled and I’m out of a boot (that’s another story), I need to keep walking her, ideally every day. I need to practice confidence, so I can build trust in both Maisy and myself.